Baggage
by Sabby13
Summary: A successful relationship is based on the premise that two people are willing to work together to achieve a common goal. If the couple isn't willing to work on their differences then the relationship won't last.Chapter 2 FINALLY up! Rated M for a reason.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Avatar: The Last Airbender or any of the characters in the story. I just have an overactive imagination and a really inappropriate view of what's supposed to be a children's cartoon. Please don't sue me...

**Author's Note: **So this, is actually a multi chapter fic, so no, not everything will be explained very clearly at first. And yes, everything should be cleared up by the end of it. I pretty much have everything figured out. It's just a matter of finding time to write it all out. It basically just came out because I was getting annoyed by the majority of the Zutara fics that were being posted. And while I definitely don't think this is the best story ever (I've seen a few really good ones), this one will have a lot of what _I _was hoping other people would write. So, yes, I would love reviews and critiques so that I can get ideas and improve the general idea I have forming in my head.

**Rated: M - **not because I'm writing out anything too smutty (at least I don't think so) but because I think relationships are super complicated and a lot of them get brushed aside or caricatured and that takes away from really great stories. So yeah...expect a lot of Zutaraangst! cuz I love love triangles.

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><p><strong>Baggage<strong>

Chapter One

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Katara didn't wake up suddenly or with a start.

If anything, it was slow, like swimming to the surface of a very deep lake. And while it wasn't unpleasant, being underwater was definitely better. It had given her a feeling of safety and warmth that she'd never experienced before.

She sighed and refused to open her eyes. If she didn't think too hard about it, she might be able to go back. She shifted in her bed, trying to figure out exactly which way to lie so at least the warmth would come back. Something familiar, calloused and hot, ran up her spine, making her shiver. It traced her neck, then gently but firmly settled against her breasts. As the warmth tightened around her, she felt safe again, protected against the cold air that was trying to sneak into the little cocoon of furs she'd formed.

"Will you stop wiggling?" The heat source had a husky growl to it. It was deep and scratchy and made her think of rough, hot hands that knew exactly where to go. It startled her but she refused to open her eyes. This dream was getting better and she didn't want to ruin it. "You're letting in the cold air."

Katara smiled and reached behind her. She found broad shoulders that connected to a neck and if this dream was as good as she hoped it was…Sure enough, her fingers tangled into shaggy hair.

"Mmmm...Zuko..." she sighed.

This was actually more of a guilty fantasy of hers. One that, a few days ago, she would have tried her best to ignore or justify as a side effect of being lonely. But today, for some reason, it was so much more vivid and if her subconscious was that adamant, why fight it?

She trailed her hands back down his neck, trying to give herself a clearer picture. There was his shoulder again and then an arm. She could feel the muscle, firm and toned but not obnoxiously large. Which meant the tightening on her chest had to be...

She ran her hand slowly down his arm. Yup. His hand had a pretty firm grip and his thumb was lazily rubbing against her nipple.

She sighed again and pushed her hips back against him. "Best dream ever." She mumbled as she pulled his arm tighter around her. This dream, she could do a lot with.

There was a frustrated breath in her ear that made her start. It seemed so real but she just clamped her eyes tighter. She ordered herself to stay asleep as she traced his hand, then followed his arm until she found his elbow. That was resting against his side, which was of course connected to his stomach. Just to see how much detail this particular fantasy was willing to giver her, she tried tracing each individual stomach muscle. Surprisingly, it even let her find his belly button. Then just because she could, she dropped her hand lower.

"Katara! Seriously." Zuko cursed. "You know I'm not good with self-control. Quit."

And that's when she realized...

"Oh sweet Yui & La. This isn't a dream is it?"

She felt like someone had pushed her into an ice cold body of water.

Her eyes snapped open and her body stiffened but she wasn't ready to turn around just yet. That would just make it real. Instead she lay absolutely still and tried to control her breathing, waiting for his response.

It was a laugh. She couldn't tell if it was amused or sarcastic, maybe it was both. "Um, no." He said slowly. "Should I be apologizing?"

She exhaled slowly. She didn't want him realizing how panicked she felt as she tried to figure out what was going on. After all, what kind of girl wakes up in bed with a guy and not know why he's there? Not that she couldn't figure out why he was there. There was an obvious lack of clothes and she was fairly certain there wasn't some freak blizzard the night before that had forced them into naked cohabitation in order to keep from freezing to death. (_Right?_) But she was exhausted and maybe a little sore and even possibly embarrassed that a secret fantasy that she probably shouldn't have been having had actually come true. Still, slowly, as her mind grasped more onto the fact that it was, in fact, awake, things that she'd brushed off as part of her dream were slowly becoming a very real memory of the night (early morning?) before.

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><p>She remembered them sitting by a fireplace, laughing as a drunk Toph and even drunker Sokka arm wrestled each other.<p>

She remembered Suki elbowing her sharply. _ "Katara, you guys have been flirting all night. Just go for it already."_

She hadn't. She knew she hadn't. There's no way she would have. Instead, they just stayed there and talked.

And talked.

And talked.

And then nobody else was there.

"_It's really late." _Zuko had suddenly become uncomfortable._ "Don't you have to um…get up early tomorrow?"_

"_Well, yeah..." _She had shrugged, tried to play it off like waking up at dawn to help prep breakfast for all the visiting guests wasn't that big of a deal._ "But hanging out with you is more fun." _Oh, Spirits. She had been flirting. Why was she flirting? She was horrible at flirting. And with Zuko? Really? Really?_ "Who needs sleep?"_

He'd had this serious look on his face, like he was studying her._ "You do." _He had said firmly and with a nod of his head, like he'd read something on her face._ "And I wouldn't be a good friend, if I let you shirk your responsibilities."_

And that, for reasons more complicated then she could grasp at, had irritated her._ "I think I'm capable of gauging my own needs, thank you very much."_

_"I didn't mean it like that, Katara."_

"_Oh? How did you mean it then? Or were you just trying to politely tell me that I need to shut up so you could go to bed? Forgive me please, Firelord. I didn't mean to impose on you. The last thing I would want is to put out our honored guest." _

And then she'd stormed out of the room, embarrassed beyond belief because she had been too obvious and Zuko had caught on and what could be more embarrassing than being hit on by someone you weren't actually into?

Oh yeah. Hitting on someone that wasn't interested in you. At a time when you weren't supposed to be interested in anyone and really, what was she thinking? Could she have come off as any more desperate? And then yelling at him for _her_ mistake. As if there were anything more attractive than an overly emotional train wreck. Why had she yelled at him? What in her right mind made her think that exploding over someone trying to be a good _friend_ was an okay thing to do?

By the time he'd found her, she was standing at the door to her room, crying and struggling with the lock. After the millionth key, she had finally found the right one but her hands were shaking and the stupid door wasn't the least bit sympathetic.

_"Katara...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to-"_

_"No, it's fine. I should be the one apologizing. I don't know why I yelled at you. It's not your fault. I just...Ugh. This stupid key! Why is it so hard to-"_

_"Here. Let me help."_

And their hands had brushed. And she had hiccuped at the shock it gave her and she wanted to start crying all over again because how dumb was it to have a crush on a friend when her last relationship had ended so badly? And she didn't even _want_ a relationship, so why was she freaking out over something that didn't matter? Something that was never going to happen.

_"I just...you're my friend, Katara and I don't want you thinking-"_

_"Zuko, it's fine okay? I embarrassed myself enough for one night, please don't make it worse."_

_"Will you let me finish? You're taking this the wrong way!"_

_"You think I didn't realize that? Obviously, I'm taking it the wrong way. Or do you think I'm just practicing waterbending from my eyes? I don't need you to expl-"_

And then he'd grabbed her face and they were kissing and the stupid door that wouldn't open earlier was suddenly slammed backwards and they fell on the floor and-

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><p>"Oh." Katara said dumbly.<p>

She licked her lips nervously and turned around, so that they were actually face to face.

"Morning." He said shyly. He reached forward and brushed her hair back from her face, his eyes locked on hers. Then because he had a habit of stating the obvious when he was uncomfortable or nervous he added "Well, actually, it's just barely dawn and I'm probably supposed to go back to my room. And I think you're supposed to be getting ready to help with breakfast soon, right? Or should we be talking about this?"

"I think..." She paused trying to figure out what to say. She was distracted by the way his hand had started tracing up and down her spine. She remembered feeling safe and warm. And she liked how worried he looked. Like he didn't want to say or do the wrong thing. Not that she knew what the right thing was. "I'd say there's probably something else we could be doing." she found herself saying.

She took a deep breath. She could do this. She _had_ done this.

With a confidence she didn't really have, she pushed his face towards hers and he pulled her body closer against his. Their lips crashed and she was drowning so he took over.

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Neither one of them was sure exactly how long they were under or when they resurfaced.

Katara lay on her stomach in a half daze. Zuko lounged on his side, lazily running his hand up and down her back. He seemed to have this obsession with tracing her spine, more than likely due to the fact that each time his hand brushed against her skin for more than a second or two, he'd get a small shock and she'd shift slightly, making him lose contact and have to start over.

"This is bad." Katara said worriedly, turning her head to look at him. "This is really bad."

Zuko raised his eyebrow but didn't stop his experiment. "Bad as in good, right?" He asked, not in uncertainty but just a lazy amusement. He put his hand on the base of her spine and again, she shifted as a small shock transferred between their skin.

"I wasn't talking about the…well, you know..." Katara raised herself up on an elbow, causing her hair to slide over her shoulder and cover her back, interrupting Zuko's new hobby.

"The what?" Zuko asked innocently. He rested his chin against his propped up arm. "The fact that it's like an hour or two past sunrise and we're still laying around your room instead of getting up? I told you I didn't want you shirking your responsibilities on my account." He rolled onto his back and placed his hands behind his head. "I, however, am on vacation, so I don't think anyone will care that I'm not up and about at the break of dawn, like a good little firebender."

Katara stuck her tongue out. "That's not what I was talking about."

"Well, I know you weren't talking about the sex." Zuko said, in what he hoped passed as a casual tone. "Because that was pretty good. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was great, if not amazing." He paused for a second to gauge her reaction. "I'd say possibly the best sex ever, considering how...you know...unexpected it was."

Katara blushed and looked away.

He smirked. Yup. Awesome.

"I didn't mean the..." He didn't know how but somehow she seemed to blush even more than before. "...sex." She almost whispered it, like as if it was something to be embarrassed of. Which didn't make sense to him, considering how confidently she had handled everything. In all the millions of fantasies he had told himself didn't mean anything, he'd never once thought she'd be as certain of everything as she was. He'd entertained the idea of her being dominant a few times, sure but that hadn't really been the case. She had just known what she wanted and hadn't been afraid to tell him. And considering his last partner, this...whatever it was had blown his mind. Literally and figuratively, he mused. Which brought him back to...

"Wait, so what are you talking about?"

Katara frowned. She was trying to figure out the "right" way to say things. "Well, I was," she began slowly, then rushed as the thoughts seemed to come to her more easily "kinda talking about.._.it_...but not like that. I just meant, you know, considering everything going on, and how busy the next couple of days are gonna be...not to mention the people sleeping right down the hall...and the fact that this can't go anywhere" She sighed and after pulling her hair all to one side, she lay her head back down. She looked up at Zuko uncertainly. "This was just...this was pretty dumb of me."

With a frown, he rolled back onto his side, then leaned in and kissed her. He got that spark again as their lips met and he let it sweep him in for a few seconds but made sure to pull away before anything definite settled. "You didn't exactly trick me into this." He said as he looked into her eyes. "I think it's safe to say, this has been building up for a long time. It had to happen eventually. I was going nuts." Katara smiled and Zuko felt like a huge weight was lifting from his chest as he realized just how mutual their feelings must have been. "And maybe having to keep this a secret for so long is what's making it so great." He said settling back into the pillows. He pulled Katara with him, relishing just how soft her skin felt against his. "You know? Forbidden fruit and what not."

Katara snorted. "If that's the case, this should've happened sooner. Like, while I was still married." She frowned bitterly and pushed herself away from him. "Or better yet, while Mai was still living with you. Just think, we could've gone at it on your bed while she was sleeping. That probably would've gotten some kind of reaction."

Despite himself, Zuko could imagine it.

He saw Mai waking up to see him and Katara going at it. For some perverse reason (probably because she had enjoyed it so much), he could very easily picture Katara bent over, burying her face in a pile of pillows to keep from being too loud.

But then he saw Mai scowl. _"I'm trying to sleep. Shut up."_ Then she'd roll over to her other side so she wasn't facing them and pull a blanket over her head. _"And quit shaking the bed so much."_

He shook his head. "That's kind of a weird thing to be talking about." he said. He felt a frown form on his face and was annoyed that he couldn't just brush it off. Two years later, a naked waterbender lying next to him, and he was still bitter. What was his problem?

Katara saw the scowl on his face and made one of her own. "So it doesn't go away, does it?"

It brought Zuko out of of his head and back to the present. This wasn't supposed to be a weird attempt at closure for either of them. She wanted reassurance and a chance to forget her past. She wanted a clean slate. Why she thought he'd be able to help her with that, considering how twisted his life had ended up being could probably be admired for it's irony. But he chose to accept it for what it was.

She wanted him and whatever he was willing to give. Even if all that he was able to give her was someone just as confused and trapped as she was.

He leaned forward and kissed her gently, deeply and pushed her onto her back. Her hand ran along one side of his face, she didn't seem to care that it was the side with his scar. "It gets better." He said, as he ran his lips along her neck. "I promise."

"Oh. Again?" She seemed surprised.

He bit at her nipple playfully, enjoying the way she squeaked. "Why not?" He asked.

"Well, I just..." He found a spot right below her ear that made her forget how to speak. "Last time." Katara managed to gasp out. "Then I need to go help with breakfast."

Zuko smirked and focused more on her neck. "Assuming you'll be able to walk, of course."

"Why wouldn't I be able to walk?" Katara scoffed.

Zuko stopped and looked at her. "Haven't you-" he paused as he realized how badly this conversation could ruin things. "Uh...never mind...just-"

"You're talking too much." Katara said pulling his body closer to hers. "Do that thing to my neck again. I really liked that." Then she pushed his hips down against hers and tangled her fingers in his hair and he forgot how to speak because who needed words when there was that much lightning sparking between them?

They were gentler this time. The didn't rush. They let pleasure wash over them instead of trying to shove away bitterness.

And this time Katara didn't go off like a firecracker with short, loud, multiple bursts. It was one long peaceful wave that pulled Zuko along for the ride.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Avatar: The Last Airbender or any of the characters in the story. I just have an overactive imagination and a really inappropriate view of what's supposed to be a children's cartoon. Please don't sue me...

**Author's Note: **Okay, so this took FOREVER to write and I'm SO sorry about the wait! I was going to wait to get some more reviews so that I could get a feel for how well the first chapter was sitting with everyone but that was taking so long and in the mean time, I've rewritten it and reread it and rewritten it like twenty million times. I realize this is a super long chapter but I don't know when the next update is going to be, (my only free time to write is when my daughter's napping) so feedback would be greatly appreciated because I'm not so sure I'm okay with how this chapter ended and I might go back and revise it again once I get some opinions from you guys! **Please, please, please review! **It'll only help me make the chapter better!**  
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**Rated: M - **not because I'm writing out anything too smutty (at least I don't think so) but because I think relationships are super complicated and a lot of them get brushed aside or caricatured and that takes away from really great stories. So yeah...expect a lot of Zutaraangst! cuz I love love triangles.

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><p><strong>Baggage<strong>

Chapter Two

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_Sixteen Months Ago:_

Katara huddled in the corner of Appa's saddle. The wind whistled past her ears. If Aang had wanted to talk to her, he'd have to shout for her to hear. Maybe he was talking. She wasn't sure. She really wasn't sure of anything at that point.

They had left the Southern Air Temple earlier that week and other than when they landed Appa to rest, she hadn't left her spot.

The first day they flew out, Aang had tried to carry on a light conversation, as if they were just flying out to Ba Sing Se on a vacation, like things were completely normal between them. Maybe he thought she'd go along with it and act like they were. That was the whole point of the trip wasn't it?

"_You'll see, Katara."_ He had said confidently. "_I know it's weird right now, but just give it some time and we'll be back to normal. This is gonna be great for us_."

And Katara had sat in the corner, her knees pulled up under her arms, crying into her left elbow.

She hadn't eaten since they'd left. Her stomach had tied itself into knots and she felt like if she had even a small drop of water she'd throw up every ounce of acid in her stomach. Maybe even her intestines and kidneys.

The first night by the campfire, she just sat and stared at the fire. She didn't bother helping to set up camp. She hadn't even started the campfire. She had no idea how she'd gotten off of Appa in the first place. She just stared numbly as the fire danced playfully in front of her.

Aang had made some kind of soup that she couldn't eat. He gave her a pleading look and a speech about how important it was to keep moving forward and not dwell on the past but she just sat and watched the fire. Thinking about anything, past, present or future hurt too much.

When she tried to snap out of it, tried to be logical, tried to be _normal, _she'd burst into tears. She couldn't stop crying. She told herself eventually she'd run out of tears, eventually the hole burning in her chest would just numb her completely. Eventually she'd stop being so pathetic.

And that just made her cry more.

She kept thinking that she should have been a lot tougher than this. She told herself over and over again that this was better than all the doubts and uncertainty she'd been dealing with over the past year or so.

She had been absolutely certain that marrying Aang was the right choice. He was her best friend, wasn't he? They had traveled the world together. They had saved the world together. They had grown up together. Hell, it was thanks to him that she had become so widely respected_._She was The Avatar's Sifu and that was a huge honor.

Almost as huge an honor as being his wife, she thought numbly.

She supposed being The Avatar's anything was a big honor. The Avatar's Traveling Companion, The Avatar's Friend, The Avatar's Monkey Keeper, as long as it was affiliated with the Avatar, then who cares what you were?

What was her title going to be now?

In polite circles, she'd probably still be considered The Avatar's Sifu, A Childhood Friend of The Avatar, An Acquaintance of The Avatar. But behind her back?

She pictured all the pretty Earth Kingdom noblewomen that she had such a hard time getting along with; their pretty pale skin and silky black hair, their fashionable dresses, and the way they'd coyly giggle behind their fans. They'd be sitting around tea, while their husbands were in meetings with The Avatar, prattling on about the clumsy water tribe peasant that had been naïve enough to believe she was ever good enough for The Avatar.

"_She was really little more than an unpaid concubine, wasn't she?"_ They'd say over their delicate cups of ginseng. "_She was so simple minded, really. And quite barbaric, always so quick to fight. Can't you just imagine how crude the water tribes must be, to have raised their daughters to believe they can talk to men the way she does? And her skin was so dark. Her sister in law is a Kyoshi Warrior," _There was always a giggle when they mentioned them. _"Maybe she could have borrowed some of _their _makeup."_

When she and Aang had been dating, none of the women they met were ever shy about their interests in him or their disdain for her. And she hadn't cared. The thought of him ever leaving her for anyone had been hilarious. Aang would never leave her, he was hers and she was his and that was that. Let those silly girls try to flirt with him, they had nothing to offer.

The knots in her stomach tightened even more and she started gagging on her tears.

Those silly girls were going to be all over him now and it didn't matter that Katara had once upon a time been better than all of them. Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation upper-class or rural girls from Chin Village, they all had a better chance with him now, didn't they?

After another two days of not talking, her silence had gotten to Aang.

"_Katara, you're taking all of this the wrong way." _He had suddenly spoken up, ripping Katara's eyes away from the campfire. _"I do love you. You know I love you. It's just that things between us have gotten too…messy. This time apart will give us time to reassess what's important and really make us look at where we're going, you know? It's a chance for both of us to make a clean start. An annulment isn't a divorce._" He'd gotten up from his spot and sat next to her. He put his arm around her and she was too stupid and sad to pull away. "_We need this break. This is going to be a new beginning for us, you'll see."_

She looked at him. Her blue eyes were locked onto his big gray eyes and she saw all the hope and goodwill he always carried in him shining through. And she found herself thinking that maybe…just maybe he was right. He had the wisdom of thousands of past lives to help guide him and he'd always been able to do what was right. And the Earth Kingdom noblewomen were right. Not about her skin or that she was simple minded, but about the fact that she was always so quick to fight.

Maybe she should have argued less and been more willing to compromise. Maybe she had been trying too hard. She had a tendency to be overly emotional and to speak without thinking. And going along with Aang's decision had to be better than fighting him over everything she disagreed with. It had to be better than all those frustrating days, sleepless nights, useless hours, and agonizing minutes spent over analyzing all of her actions, questioning all of her words, doubting whether anything she was or had said or done could have prevented her worst nightmare from finally coming true.

And at that moment, he kissed her and really, that was all she wanted.

Looking back now, she should have stopped him. She should have said no and pushed him away. But at that moment, all she could think was that if she went along with it, maybe he'd change his mind. He'd realize what he'd be missing if he made her leave. She wanted him to focus on her and their problems, let the rest of the world wait. Who cared about rebel uprisings and peace treaties? When Aang was sad, nothing else in the world mattered to her. Why couldn't he just take a day or two off from being The Avatar and just be there for her?

It had been a clear night. Katara had looked up at the stars as Aang kissed her and gently laid her down on a bed of pine needles. As his breathing got heavier and his hands became a little more assertive, Katara fought back her tears and tried to focus on the present, instead of being swept away by the past.

Jet had been the first boy she had ever liked. And he had liked her back. She could still remember the way her heart fluttered whenever she was around him. And part of the reason she had been so unforgiving towards him when they met again in Ba Sing Se was because even after being betrayed and used by him, she was ashamed to admit that she still wanted him.

When Aunt Wu had said she would marry a powerful bender, she had actually pictured Jet. Or, at least, someone strongly resembling him; tall, muscular but not bulky, dark hair that she could run her fingers through, and a charismatic personality. She imagined someone who was a take charge kind of guy that wouldn't be intimidated by her strong personality. Someone who would sweep her off her feet, regardless of whether or not she had wanted to be swept up in the first place.

Sokka pointing out Aang's powerful bending abilities had been somewhat of a...discontent.

He still wasn't tall. At the most, he was maybe three inches taller than her. There was definite muscle but with her being almost the same height, a lot of times, she felt like she was the one protecting him. And the chances of him growing out his hair were about the same as Sokka becoming a vegetarian.

But he was a take charge person. And her personality didn't necessarily phase him. He had always been able to tolerate it.

So maybe he didn't match her daydream exactly, but he was good and he was honest and he never lied. The way he looked at her made her feel like she was the most beautiful, most important girl in existence.

At fourteen, it had been weird to have a little boy looking at her that way. What was she supposed to do with all that devotion and admiration? And she wasn't entirely sure it was something she was really ready to deal with just yet.

At fifteen, she had relished in it. Fighting in the war had changed her. Tracking down the Southern Raiders with…hell, just being around Zuko, had brought out this other side to her that she had been unaware of. Zuko had shown her that she could be petty and angry. She could be cold and unforgiving. He had reminded her that she was still nursing the hurt of losing her mother. Zuko would have been okay with her stealing the water scroll from the pirates. He wouldn't have stopped her or looked down on her if she had actually killed Yon Rha. He had respected all her flaws and shortcomings because at the end of the day, he still thought she was a better person than him.

She was a bitter, angry, sad little girl but when Aang looked at her, she was all the goodwill and hope that he inspired in her. She was still the loving and compassionate girl he had seen when he first opened his eyes that day on the iceberg. He didn't see all the bad stuff and was always trying to get her to be more than she was. And wasn't love about bringing out the best in someone?

As Aang lay sleeping, holding her possessively against him, she started feeling hopeful. Maybe they could find something else to do in Ba Sing Se. Or they could just skip over the Earth Kingdom city all together and visit Toph or Suki. Maybe they could treat this like a honeymoon and just spend the next few days wandering around aimlessly. They hadn't had a honeymoon or even a real wedding. A few months ago they had been in Ba Sing Se to help King Kuei with some new administration policy and Aang had pulled her into a courthouse. It had been completely spontaneous and Aang had been so certain about it, she had automatically agreed.

She always did get swept away when he was in a good mood. And he was always in a good mood.

The next morning, he had gently nudged her awake. He had such a bright smile on his face and was chatting and carrying on like everything was back to normal. She made them breakfast and almost started smiling.

"_Last night was great._" He said shyly as she handed him a bowl of fried rice. "_I think it's great that we still have that closeness. It'll make the next few months a lot easier to get through."_

Katara cautiously spooned a small amount of rice into her mouth. She chewed slowly and swallowed. Her stomach didn't instantly erupt, so she took another bite. She looked into his eyes and her stomach fluttered warningly, but she mistook it for butterflies caused by the way he was looking at her. Like, maybe, just maybe he was really seeing her, really seeing how much she needed him.

"_So, after we finish signing the paperwork at the courthouse, I had thought that maybe I could arrange some kind of carriage ride for you to Kyoshi_. _I'd drop you off myself, but I'm helping Zuko with some reinforcements at Chameleon Bay. And I'll make sure you have money so that you can get a ship back to the South Pole. I don't want you feeling like just because we aren't together anymore, I'm completely abandoning you."_

He said it all so casually, the last bit almost jokingly that it took a few seconds for the meaning to sink in. It didn't hit her as hard she thought it would.

"_Excuse me for one second._" Katara had said quietly. She stood up and walked calmly over to a clump of trees.

The violent gagging and heaving that followed burned her throat almost completely raw. Rice, when regurgitated, doesn't really have a taste to it or even a particularly tough time coming up. A lot of times, it even comes up looking like it hasn't even been swallowed yet. However, once your stomach is empty all that's left is stomach acid and that has an extremely bitter taste that leaves the inside of your throat burning and the back of your mouth tasting like a mix of burnt lemons and rubber. Despite it's yellow slimy liquid form, it has a strong textural resemblance to sand paper, making it almost impossible for you to talk afterwards. And if you've thrown it up violently enough, the bitterness of it will make any water that you drink taste like melted sugar. Once the excess amounts of that are thrown up (there's always just a small bit of stomach acid left otherwise your stomach probably wouldn't function anymore), all that's left is the urge to keep dry heaving which can cause the blood vessels on your face to burst, leaving a weird looking almost rash on your face. By then, the worst of the event is done, but it doesn't stop the horrible retching noise from scaring small animals and birds out of their homes.

Katara didn't have a mirror, so she didn't notice the red splotches on her face or the shining of her dilated pupils. She felt clammy and exhasuted and she didn't bother helping Aang clean up camp or even try to reassure him that she was fine, that maybe the rice was just not agreeing with her stomach. After she finished throwing up in the bushes, she shakily climbed into Appa's saddle and went to sleep. When she woke up, they were in the air again.

It was like an extremely vivid dream.

Aang and Appa had been her life for the past eight years. She couldn't remember what life was like before him. She had no idea what life was going to be like without him.

And all she could think was how this was her fault. She hadn't done enough. Or maybe it was because she had kept too much to herself. But now, even now, with the world crashing down around her, she had no idea how to stop this all from happening. She couldn't bring herself to fight him. Aang had his mind made up. This was the right thing to do. She could still taste the burnt lemons and rubber in her mouth and her throat was so raw if she tried to speak it'd probably just come out as a dry rasp.

They stopped one more night. She didn't hear anything Aang said as he set up camp. She wouldn't look him in the eyes again. She found a stream and bathed for a long time. She felt like she just couldn't get clean. There was grease and dirt that had sunk underneath her skin. She was being hysterical, she knew. She was crying and scrubbing at her skin. At one point Aang came by to check on her and she shot a wave of ice needles in his general direction. Nothing that would hurt him but they were faster than even his reflexes could keep up with. And that made her feel better. Not much better, but slightly more sane.

She started thinking that maybe she had just gone along with everything too easily. She hadn't fought hard enough and that was why Aang though he could just walk all over her. And now that she had found that fight, she...she sank back into the water. She still didn't want to fight but she was done being sad and pathetic.

She felt more tears start to gather but she ordered them to stay away. She ducked her head underwater and if there were tears, she couldn't tell them apart from the rest of the stream. When she resurfaced, her head felt clearer. She got out, got dressed and marched back to camp. She didn't sit by the campfire. She pulled out her sleeping mat, made an ice tent and went to sleep.

The next morning, she didn't eat but she helped pack up and they left without a word. Aang tried to give her a smile but she gave him the best glare she could manage and he quickly looked away. She sat in her same corner and hugged her knees to her chest. The Earth Kingdom sprawled out below them and by midday she could see the walls of Ba Sing Se. When they landed at the courthouse, Toph and Lee were there.

Aang and Katara were both surprised to see them.

"_Hurry up with the paperwork, Sweetness." _Toph said gruffly. "_We got a boat to catch._" She sniffed at Aang. "_We'd invite you on the cruise too, but I'm sure you've got important Avatar business to take care of."_

Katara blinked. "_A boat?" _She took in the site of Lee's wildly patterned robes and Toph's sun hat. "_What's-"_

Lee clapped his hands excitedly and placed a garland of flowers around her neck. "_We're going on a cruise!" _He boomed out excitedly in his deep baritone. "_I'm going to write it off as a business expense because I'll be" _He made air quotes with his finger. "_'researching' more backstory for the remake of The Boy in the Glacier. But don't worry, I'm just going to be doing a character study of you. Nothing intrusive. Toph and I both agree that your portrayal on stage is somewhat..." _he coughed meaningfully. "_Outdated, I think is the polite term._"

"_Don't try to sweeten up my words, Hubbykins." _Toph said, crossing her arms. "_I said-"_

"_What you said and what you meant are two completely different things._" Lee said with a raised eyebrow. "_Playwriting is an art and regardless of the inaccuracies, sometimes a little bit of...uh...artistic license is necessary in order to portray a-"_

"_Blah, blah, blah."_ Toph said opening and closing her hand. "_I don't care. The only reason I'm agreeing to this cruise is cuz the boat is made out of metal and you promised we wouldn't have to hang out with that stupid director or his floozy little girlfriend."_

"_And don't forget the open bar." _Lee said.

"_Like I'd ever forget anything involving free booze." _Toph said with a snort. She grabbed Katara's arms and started pulling her up the courtyard steps. "_Let's go, Sugar Queen. The sooner you get that paper signed the sooner we can get this show on the road and I can get tanked._"

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><p><em>Present Day:<em>

"So...should we be, um...you know...talking about this?" Zuko asked as he watched Katara get dressed.

She shrugged and smoothed out her parka. Sokka had pioneered some great ideas that had improved insulation in the south pole buildings exponentially but it was still a building in the south pole. That meant as soon as she stepped out of her room and into the hall of the tribe's new meeting hall (which also tripled as the infirmary and an inn for guests and displaced villagers), she'd need her jacket until she got down to the community kitchen.

"What exactly do we need to talk about?" Katara asked, busying herself with the fastenings of the coat. "You can hang out in here until whenever you decide to get up. I'm pretty sure your parka will hide the fact that you're wearing the same clothes from yesterday. Not that anyone would really notice if you were." She smiled wryly. "We're not exactly the center of worldwide trade and commerce here. It's not unusual for us to have to wear the same outfit more than one day in a row." She looked away when he tried to meet her eyes. "And if anyone asks why you're leaving my room..." She hurried over to a shelf and grabbed a small bag. "Just tell them I sent you up here to grab Tenzin's diaper bag. That's not unreasonable."

Zuko raised an eyebrow. "So, should I be carrying the bag with me when I go to my room?"

She didn't look up as she put a small parka and a few cloth diapers into the bag. "Only if you bump into anyone as you're walking out. I gave Gran-Gran plenty of supplies for last night and this morning but it wouldn't be that weird if you dropped off some more stuff later. Gran-Gran knows how anxious I get."

"So I'd actually have to drop the stuff off at her house?" he asked skeptically.

Katara looked up quickly. "What? No. Of course not. Not if you don't want to, I mean. He's not your responsibility and like I said I took care of everything last night when I dropped him off. I wouldn't expect you to-"

Zuko was suddenly standing in front of her and had a hand pressed over her mouth. He took one of her hands in his and looked down, trying to get her to meet his eyes. "You're freaking out." He said matter of factly. To be honest, he was too. His heart was beating rapidly in his chest and he felt like his blood was boiling. The room wasn't exactly warm, but with the way he was feeling, even with just his pants on, he was going to start breaking out in a sweat pretty soon. "This is weird for me too, you know." He said as she finally looked up at him. "Don't start pushing me away already...I don't think I...I mean...I just..." This time he was the one to look away. "This is just really...weird."

She shoved him and started laughing, almost hysterically. "This is weird? For you?" She shook her head. "Right, because I'm sure you don't have a whole council of Royal Consorts to keep you company. And I'm so sure that your council of advisors haven't been busy trying to pair you up with suitable matches since Mai left. And even if you are too high and mighty to resort to hookers, I'm sure there's not a line of ladies tiptoeing out of your room every morning."

Zuko frowned. "Katara, I haven't been with anyone since Mai left...Well, actually, that's not true. I hooked up with this Earth Kingdom girl when I was visiting Uncle a few months ago but it wasn't like...a thing." He rubbed at the back of his neck. "I just...wanted to be distracted for a bit."

Katara blinked, surprised at his honesty. Then she seemed to dig through his words almost as if she was looking for a reason to yell at him. "A distraction?" She finally exclaimed. "Is that what I am too? A distraction? Something to keep you from pining over your lost love?" When he just stared blankly at her, she slapped her forehead. "She's been gone for two years, Zuko! And you're already twenty-four! You should have been married years ago! If you had just married her when you were eighteen like you were supposed to instead of putting it off for another...Spirits, how many years was that?" She walked over and sank down onto her bed. "It's no wonder she left! Do you have any idea how cruel it is to expect someone to wait for something when they don't even know what they're supposed to be waiting for?"

Even though he knew she was baiting him, he still lost his temper. "Do I know?" He exclaimed angrily. "You think I don't know? You act like you're the only one who's ever been hurt!" He didn't know what to do with his hands. He wanted to blast something but that would potentially mean melting the whole damn building and there were a lot of people inside because of the stupid anniversary celebration. He settled for pacing back and forth and making wild gestures as he spoke. "Do I need to remind you that I was on a boat for three years waiting for the stupid Avatar to show up? Or that I was waiting with the rest of you for that stupid comet to fly down so that Aang to save us all from that psychopath that I'm related to? And don't forget about that whole mess that you-" He finally had something to do with his hands. He pointed angrily at Katara, as if that one gesture would help him vent all of his frustration. "You! YOU started that! Remember?" He flapped his hands around in what he considered a fair impression of Katara. "Oh Zuko! We should never give up hope!" He said in a high pitched voice. "The hermit on Whale Tail island probably isn't completely senile! I'm sure he knows where your mom is! Don't worry! We'll find her!"

Katara stood up angrily. "I do not spout stupid speeches about hope anymore!" She yelled angrily. "And going to Whale Tail Island had been _your _idea! How was I supposed to know the hermit was insane? Have you met King Bumi? And what about your Uncle Iroh?" She puffed out her cheeks and rubbed her belly. "Now, nephew..." She said in a deep voice.

"No! You do not get to imitate my uncle!" Zuko said grabbing her wrists before she could start stroking an imaginary beard on her chin. "My uncle has more wisdom in his pinky finger than you have in this entire deathrap of a village!"

"My village is not a deathtrap!" Katara exclaimed, trying to pull her arms out of his grasp. "And who told you to come here anyway, huh? I'm sure the mighty JERK Lord of the Jerkbending Nation had much better ways to spend the anniversary of his Jerky Jerk reign than being here with us lowly peasants."

"Why can't you ever come up with a better insult than jerk?" Zuko exclaimed letting go of her hands and stomping away. "You and Sokka think it's so funny! It's completely unoriginal and I don't appreciate Lee using it as a running joke in that asinine play of his! And I wouldn't have even come to this frozen shard of hell if you hadn't invited me! And you're the one who helped get me up on my Jerky Jerk throne so maybe you should have just let Azula finish me off, since you seem to think I'm just hanging out in the palace all day getting jerked off by royal hookers!"

Katara frowned. "That is a really bad choice of words, Zuko."

Zuko frowned back. "I told you that substituting jerk for every adjective and verb wasn't funny." He spat out.

"No really." She started giggling. "You just said...your sister should have..." And then she was laughing so hard she had to lean against the wall to stay upright.

Zuko tried to remember what he said. "I said you shouldn't have...and..." He made a face. "Oh gross. That's not what I meant."

Katara tried to catch her breath. "You are so bad at expressing yourself." she said, wiping at her eyes.

"And you'd rather pick a fight than talk about things." Zuko said. His face fell slightly. "I need you to tell me what you want. I'm not good with picking up on subtleties."

"You do have a pretty short temper." Katara conceded. She walked back to the bed and sat down. "I don't really think you have royal hookers." She said in lieu of an apology.

Zuko sat down next to her and held his hand out, uncertainly. "I actually do." He said honestly. "I just never use them."

Katara had been about to put her hand in his but she quickly jerked back at his confession. She smacked his arm. "What the hell, Zuko?" She exclaimed. "Why do you have hookers?"

Zuko rubbed at the red mark on his arm. "They're actually called Ladies of the Court." He rolled his eyes. "They don't consider themselves hookers because first of all, they're already rich so they don't sleep with men for money. Second of all, I told you I don't use them." He glared softly at her. "They're a select group of women that have been preparing since birth to take over the role of Fire Lady. Their lineage and familiarity with the history of the Fire Nation make them the perfect match. They're all extremely beautiful and have been handpicked because they have physical traits that are considered ideal for breeding. I just need to hurry up and pick one so the rest can be married off to other governors and administration officials."

"That's really sad." Katara said. She pulled some moisture out of the air and used it to heal the handprint she had left on his arm. It couldn't really be considered an injury by any means, but it kind act eased her conscience. "Have you figured out which one you want yet?"

Zuko laughed. "Actually, I stopped worrying about it a while ago. I figured it'd eventually work itself out."

Katara sniffed. "I hated when everyone would tell me that. 'Don't worry, Katara. Everything's going to work out eventually. One way or another, you'll see.'" She shook her head. "It's always easier for people who are where they want to be to say that. I really don't know what I'm doing." She admitted as she wrapped her arm around his and hesitantly snaked her fingers into his hand. "I'm kind of just taking everything a day at a time. If I try to plan ahead, I just feel trapped and overwhelmed, like all my past mistakes have taken away every option I might have had."

Zuko nodded. "Yeah. I definitely know the feeling."

Katara looked down at their entwined hands and took a deep breath. "As of this exact moment, " she began hesitantly. "I could very easily say that I've been in love with you for a really long time. But I don't know if that's really true or if I'm just scared and lonely. I don't have a title for you. You're not my best friend. You're not just some acquaintance. You're Zuko. You've just been Zuko for a really long time."

Zuko nodded. "I'm fine with that." He said. "But I'm gonna go a step further and say that I actually am in love with you and that I've considered killing Aang a few times."

Katara snorted. "Haven't we all?"

Zuko pulled her arm so that she'd look up at him. "If you had picked me, we would have gotten married as soon as I turned eighteen."

"And the palace would be in ruins from all of our fighting." Katara said with a smirk.

"And crazy sex marathons." Zuko added.

Katara blushed. "And I would have wondered what could have been with Aang." she said softly.

This time Zuko snorted. "Only because he would have been jealous about how passionate our marriage was. He'd be trying to fill your heads with lies about how we were unstable and our relationship was based entirely on lust."

"Right. Because any relationship that doesn't involve me following him around starry eyed and worshipful of his every move can't be healthy." Katara remarked bitterly. "If I'd known just how manipulative that little turd was..."

"You still would have married him." Zuko said. He frowned. "I know you still love him. And you guys have Tenzin. What do we have?"

Katara sighed and leaned her head on Zuko's shoulder. "Besides a mutual respect and understanding of each other's inner turmoil?" She asked, thinking over her answer carefully. "We have a cutthroat desire to prove the other wrong at any price and apparently an insatiable need for...um..." she paused, uncomfortable with the wording of it. "Well, you know."

"Crazy, hot, mind numbing hog-monkey sex?"

Katara pulled back, startled. "What? I was going to say a need for closure on our abandonment issues." Despite her best attempt, a smile pulled at her mouth. "I don't even...I mean..." She looked up to realize Zuko had scooted in closer. She put her hand on his chest, to try to push him back but she got a sharp jolt from the skin contact and she pulled her hand back quickly. "What happened to making sure I don't shirk my responsibilities?"

Zuko raised an eyebrow. "How late are you?"

Katara cast a quick look at the clock by the door. "Um...I'm actually not supposed to start my scheduled shift for another fifteen minutes. I just usually show up early because-"

This time he was the one pushing her. "So they wouldn't notice if you were late, right?" he asked as he begun undoing her parka.

Katara's face flushed. This was...she wasn't used to this. "Well, with how drunk everyone was last night," she was babbling. Zuko had found that spot on her neck again. Her brain was starting to shut down. "I, uh, I don't think anyone's going to be on time..."

Zuko pulled back momentarily. "Was that the whole village?" He asked, surprised.

Katara nodded and tried to sit back up. "Like, I said," She tried fixing her hair. Her face was definitely hot. She took her parka off, it was hard to breathe with it on. "We're not exactly the center of trade and commerce."

He frowned, apparently unaware of how quickly her heart was beating. "But I thought you said your village had tripled."

"Well, yeah." Katara said. Relieved for the distraction, she started ticking items off on her fingers. "The men came back around the same time your coronation was held. We've had quite a few babies over the past few years and Gran Pakku brought a few of the Northern Tribe's benders to help build up our village. But, I was the only girl of marrying age here, so it wasn't a very good incentive for the younger guys to stay once the reconstruction was finished. The next oldest girl is just barely turning 14 this winter. And we don't exactly get tourists here." She raised an eyebrow. "In fact, a few of our visitors have gone so far as to call our home a- and I quote-" She said, raising her fingers up into air quotes, "_'a frozen shard of hell'_. It's not exactly an appealing title for curious world wanderers."

Zuko laughed and scratched the back of his head. "Well, you know, I'm sure it appeals to the right type of person."

"And what kind of person is that?" Katara asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Um...I don't know." Zuko said with a shrug. He noticed her parka was off and grinned slyly. "Maybe some you know...jerks with a general appreciation for irony." He said as he brushed her hair back over her shoulder. He'd find a new spot when they had more time. For now he was content with exploiting the one on her neck.

Katara's heart sped up again. "Or an emotionally constipated jerk with suicidal tendencies?" She mumbled as he used his weight to push her down into the furs. His mouth was hot against her skin and she didn't even seem to realize her hands were pulling his pants off.

Zuko slid a hand under her kimono to her bindings. "I wouldn't say suicidal." He said. It was tricky unraveling them with one hand but his other hand was stroking her face. He wanted to memorize every dip and ridge of her cheekbones and lips. "Just a healthy admiration for surviving against impossible odds."

They both let out a deep breath as if those words had really hit them deeply.

"That sounds stupid to me." Katara managed to say. She shifted her hips just slightly, so she could get a little more comfortable. And for a second she forgot how to speak.

Zuko pushed her back. "Well, whatever. I'm bored with all this talking." He was also distracted. His hands seemed to find her hips more interesting than her face. And as he adjusted himself accordingly, he couldn't really blame them. "Can we, um..." Katara sighed and for a second he wasn't sure why he was still talking. "Can we just get back to the part where I was distracting you?"

Katara laughed and it shook them both up quite pleasantly. "You're the one who wanted us to talk."

"And you didn't..." He pulled her closer against him. "You didn't...tell me anything I don't already know." Her arms wrapped around his neck and he adjusted his weight. "So what's the point of talking... if we're already on the same...page?"

"Uh..."

There was suddenly a loud gong and with a start, Katara sat up. "You've got to be kidding me!" She said, shoving Zuko off of her.

The Fire Lord cursed. "Seriously, Katara?"

"Sorry." She said. With an annoyed sigh, she ran over to her window and pulled back the heavy curtains to look out at the front gate. She had to squint, because the sun was almost directly in her eyesight. The gong continued beating loudly and off in the distance she could see a black speck in the sky, slowly growing larger. Zuko came over, adjusting the waistband of his pants, and stood behind her.

"How come Aang gets a bigger fanfare than I did?" he asked.

Katara turned and rested her forehead against his chest. She was almost eye level with the star shaped scar on his chest and she kissed it absently. "Well, looks like I can't shirk my responsibilities anymore." She said glumly. She smoothed down her kimono and then headed back to the mess of furs to try to find her bindings. "Time for the South Pole Ambassador to welcome The Avatar to our First Annual Peace and Prosperity Celebration."

"If you give me a minute I can go with you." Zuko said as he tightened the sash of his tunic.

Katara was amazed that he was able to get dressed even faster than he was able to undress. She smiled half-heartedly. "You should probably shower and what not." She said as she placed a kiss on his cheek. "You look like a boar-cupine that's been partying all night."

He tipped her chin up so that their eyes would lock. "That's cuz I was." He said jokingly. "Seriously, I can go with you. It wouldn't be suspicious. There's a whole crowd forming."

"Right. So your uncle, Toph and Lee, not mention King Bumi, Longshot, Smellerbee, and probably King Kuei and Bosco, will all be leaving their rooms in the next few minutes." Katara said. "We may have been up for hours, but it's still pretty early in the morning for me to be having visitors in my room." She buttoned her jacket back up. "Besides, I have to go grab Tenzin. I'm sure Aang will be dying to see him."

Zuko frowned. "Yeah, but...you don't have to do this alone."

Katara smiled. "I'm not going to be alone. There's going to be a whole crowd gathering." She squeezed his hand as he walked her to the door. "I promise, if I need your help I'll let you know."

Her hand was on the doorknob and he crossed his arms. "I guess but-"

Suddenly her freehand shot out and grabbed onto his shirt and she pulled him tightly against her, her mouth smushed ungracefully into his. The kiss brought back hazy memories of Ba Sing Se and Ember Island and maybe a few other long forgotten nights somewhere in the middle of some unnamed forest. For some reason, this panicked him and he pushed her against the door, so that she lost her balance and could only cling to him. It was just like one of those kisses they'd shared before where he wasn't sure if it was seconds or days that passed but if there hadn't been a steady pounding at Katara's door just then, he doubted he'd have let her leave.

There was an unspoken agreement between them as he took a step back. He wasn't sure what it was, exactly. They'd have to discuss it later. But for now his head spun as he stayed out of view of the slowly opening door.

"There you are!" Suki's voice was nervous. "I didn't see you in the kitchens and I wasn't sure how you were feeling." She paused. "I know you don't want us fussing but I thought I'd walk with you to meet Aang. It's got to be weird and my monsters will be a nice distraction."

Katara stepped out into the hall. "Thanks, Suki. That's sweet."

"Are you okay, Katara?" Suki said as the door was closed. "You look a little flushed."

He didn't hear what her answer was.


End file.
